Real You
by Lil Dreamer
Summary: Thoughts of the G-boys at home one night. One scene can have many meanings.
1. Real You

Real You **Real You  
Rating: PG, mostly I don't read that much G myself and there's one death threat! Guess.   
Warnings: hints at shounen ai (1+2), contemplative first-person   
Notes: This is the product of two days of boring classes. As is, I'm kind of happy with it. Words from Staind's Standard disclaimers for song and characters/situation/show apply now for all parts.  
Feedback: C&CC appreciated here or at [lil.dreamer@excite.com][1] **

They're at it again. A smile lights my inner face at the antics of the boy, but I don't let it show on the outer. I never let them see that face.

I never let them see me.

No. I let them see what they want.

But back to the fun. He's running around like crazy. A chicken with its head cut off, I believe is the American expression. Something he might say.

Teasing, pestering, annoying, laughing, unashamedly beautiful. Yes, I freely admit that. Of all my companions, he's the one I think of when I hear someone say, There's just something about that boy.

Three of them run around the living room now. His teasing must have worked. The fourth watches; an unseen smile graces his eyes. No, he won't show it. That's not his way.

But I know, and he knows, and the object knows. ? What happened to ? For this I choose the other. _The object of his affections._

I digress, lost in my thoughts, brought back to our haven in this world of war and woe by a small shriek of panic from the marauder.

They don't notice me watching. I wonder if they ever do.

_**But I'm on the outside  
I'm looking in**_

I watch, but more importantly, I see.

I feel his eyes flicker over me, for a moment not on the three. I turn the page of the book I pretend to read. One must keep up appearances, correct?

They often believe me lost in a world far from here. Perhaps I am, sometimes. All the same, I like to think I'm so much more a part of this world than they are.

Do I presume too much?

_**I can see through you  
See your true colours**_

Maybe, or maybe I know them too well. Take the first. It is his eyes I feel on me now. He is the one I suspect knows the truth about my activities. But he is also the least likely to interrupt. Ours is a companionship, nay, a friendship, based on respect. Respect for one another's individual traits.

He's finished his game. No more taunting, much to the obvious relief of the two. But there is something undeniably wrong when he's not bouncing around, not in one of our faces.

We both recognize, condone, his flaw. He wears an interminable mask, and under it, all he wants is someone to let him know he's still alive, to give him a bit of the hope he needs to prove to himself that he's somebody, no longer nobody.

Which is possibly why he's found a new plaything. Ignoring his two exhausted former chasers, he accosts the silent watcher.

**_Cause inside you're ugly  
Ugly like me_**

They read like a play, my companions. Any second – Ah, there it is – the Gun.

Omae o korosu.

The hurt appears at the edge of the mask, visible only to, I suspect, the one of us who knows him as well as he knows himself. I wonder, does the other even know what he does to his love? Does he realize he takes a little of that hope away every time such words leave his mouth?

Does he realize he's killing him?

I search his own mask. He does.

But as I said before, this is a play. In a play, there are lines, actors, studied roles.

They have their parts down.

And he doesn't know how to break free from the cycle, how to become the author, the playwright. 

**_I can see through you  
See to the real you_**

@@@

Um, yeah, I'll get back to work on my old stuff soon. I've just got sucky school to deal with. This isn't necessarily how I see the Gboys (It's so clichéd!), but I like it anyway. If I ever post the GW/SM fusion I've been working on (Hey! Don't give me that look!), you'll see that. *g* ~Dreamer

   [1]: mailto:lildreamer@excite.com



	2. Real You, part 2

Real You, part 2

**Real You, part 2  
Rating:  PG, mostly 'cause… I don't read that much G myself… and there's one… death threat!  Guess.  Ooh, and in part 2, there's a cuss word.  No, really!  
Warnings: blatantly states shounen ai (1+2, 2+?), contemplative first-person, suicidal thoughts  
Notes:  A little different this time.  I did use two names.  Whatever works.  Words for Edwin McMain, "Grind Me in the Gears."  
Feedback:  [lil.dreamer@excite.com][1] or review at ff.n.**

He sits over there all the time, just watching us.  Why can't they see that?  They don't notice how his eyes focus just above the pages he turns, or how his cryptic comments are amazingly appropriate for whatever the rest of us have been doing.

So, friend, they don't know you either.

For some reason, though, I don't think you care.

Need something to observe?  Sure ya do.  It's way too quiet here tonight.  Hm…  Ah-ha!

**_For the words that might escape  
_** _**Are ringing in my ears **_

"Hey, Wu-man, whatcha doin'?"  No, really?  That's _not_ your name?  Color me shocked.

What, I can't be sarcastic?

Ah, but exercise is good for the soul.  Mine feels so much fresher now.  Lesse, how many laps can we do tonight…  4…  5…  6…

Great.  We've picked up a third.  He's trying to keep me from getting killed, I guess.  "It's all fun and games 'til someone loses an eye," he says.  You know what?  We've got this under control.  If anyone loses an eye, it's either gonna be him or because of him.  We happen to _like_ our stress relief.

**_It grinds me to a pulp_**  
_**Grinds me in the gears**_

I know he "cares," but boys will be boys, ne?  And boys like us have lots of aggression to work out.

Hey, now, I'm humiliating myself for you!  No wandering off into your own thoughts!

My psychic messages aren't drawing him back.  I can…  Ok, kind of obvious, but it'll work.  I'll slow down a little, let 'em catch me.

"Yipes!"  Ok, that kinda hurt.  Didn't think he'd pull my braid that hard.  Not trying that one again.

Oh, hello.

Hm…  They're pooped.  I apologize, we call a truce.

**_My frozen spirit aches  
_** _**I slip another day**_

He's right.  Sitting still gives you time to think.  I don't like to think.

Memories and ghosts have a way of finding you when you're still.

Some of them believe in revenge.

**_Start to lose my grip_**

Gotta find something to do.  Is that concern I see in your eyes, friend?  Hey, you know me.  I'll figure it out.

Only one person hasn't been brought into our games tonight.  I know how he feels about me.  He's…  a tentative friend, but that's all.  I don't see him the same way.  Doesn't mean I have to ignore him, though.

**_Find another way_**

…

You'd think he'd have some kind of revelation, something that would fill him in on one of those basic facts of life: Treat your enemies with respect and your friends with…  I don't remember the phrase, but I know it's nicer than pulling a gun on a teammate.

And that hurts.  To know someone has some kind of feelings for you, but is so screwed up he'd pull a gun on you when you talk to him.

I didn't even say anything off-color or out-of-place, just tried to talk.

I look around the room.  Three pairs of pissed off eyes are focused on him: one because of friendship, one in concern, one who feels protective…

One who knows what I do when I sit alone and think.

Been awhile since I was in that position.  It's been awhile since he's _let_ me be in that position.  And it's his fault I think I'm falling in love with him.  This sounds like some kind of bad fiction, but it's my life.

**_For the life that might escape_**  
_**Has been echoing for years**_

I promised him that I wouldn't touch the shoebox of blades in my bag; he let me keep them.  Even knowing they're there makes me feel better.  But until the urge to cut goes away, until I'm calm enough that I don't want to see rivers of my own blood run out, I think I should stay around them.  Even him.

You know what, screw you, Heero Yuy.

**_It grinds me to a pulp_**  
_**Grind me in the gears**_

@@@

O_o  Wha?  Totally not where I was going…  But that's ok, 'cause I hadn't planned more than the chase scene for this one.  LOL  I guess I'm stuck writing another part to this considering the info I added…  It'll be a little while, though.

   [1]: mailto:lil.dreamer@excite.com



	3. Real You, part 3

Real You, part 3

**Real You, part 3  
Rating: PG  
Notes: Last part, guys. (Distantly heard in the background: "Yay!") Um, what was that? Oh, well. This one's from Creed, "My Own Prison," I think is the name.  
Feedback: But of course! Here or at lil.dreamer@excite.com**

I don't know why he always watches Trowa like that. It's almost as though they get... invisible cues from each other. I don't think I'll ever understand either of them. For that matter, I don't believe I want to.

I understand enough.

**_Screams fill the room_**

_What_ did he just call me?!? That impudent little-

Just as quickly as I think it, though, I dismiss the reaction. It's difficult to maintain the persona now. But I will grudgingly admit that just sitting here is cramping my muscles. He is not the only one who craves action.

Oh, don't even try to look innocent, or shocked, or whatever! That's just plain insulting, nail in your coffin, however you want to phrase it.

He stares into my eyes sometimes. Every once in a while, just to _see me_. I don't know what he means by that, but I think if he were to look now, the real me would be laughing at him. He's an idiot.

But what would we do without him?

**_Alone I drop and kneel_**

"Poke an eye out," my foot! What does he think he's doing? Disturbing our concentration so we-

Oops. Didn't mean to pull like that. Tripped. Winner's fault.

Yeah, right, you're sorry. And I'm a member of the bunny clan. No, you don't hold the patent on being sarcastic and out of character. Yes, I do know what a joke is, thanks for asking.

He's bored; he's been quiet, and the spectors are near. They always are, and they always demand sacrifice.

**_Silence now the only sound  
My breath the only motion around _**

When he told me about them, he never expected me to believe. His is not the only past that seeks revenge. But mine has never driven me to the extremes his has.

I have nightmares, not knives, and why did I let him keep them? I know the look on his face, and I turn my glare on the one who upset him. Kisama, you just don't get it.

**_Demons cluttering around_**

At least I don't have to worry about that relationship. He told me he would never start one with the "One-Phrased Wonder." Neither of us think he'd live long if ever he did, anyway.

I think I will stay close tonight. I've seen that look in his eyes once, and I worry.

**_My face showing no emotion_**

@@@

Well, that's it. I may decide to do a side-story about Duo related to this, but right now I have no plans. I've got two other fics to get out before Dee knocks me up-side the head! And I'd like to add that this whole tri-something was unbetaed, unplanned, un-everything! If it sucks, that's my defense. Gomen!


End file.
